I need a better relationship
one without all the stress. 
I’m trying to better myself. 
But it seems to not matter. 

Reason being:

whatever I do it doesn’t seem to make past mistakes disappear
a whole day can be ruined with the flip of a switch
I don’t think I can handle an emotionally unstable person anymore, I just don’t think i have it in me.
I find it crazy that you can’t practice what you preach. 
Neediness is a both an attractive element and a repulsive one. 
it’s leaning more towards repulsive now. 
I don’t want a relationship that seems like a chore.

maybe i’m not ready

I just don’t want to end up never committing to anything. And i don’t want to end up ruining something because maybe i’m not putting forth enough effort. So I’m torn. 
between accepting this behavior and learning to cope with it 
or letting this go. 
i wish i knew the answer. 


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